Not What it Sounds Like

Earlier today I realized there are a number of things I can truthfully say about myself, but don't really mean what they imply.  Here are a few of them:

I went to classes at the University of Toledo when I was nine years old
(... with my mom, who took night classes there) 

I went to Harvard
(... on a walking tour when I was visiting the Boston area) 

I attended classes at MIT
(... while visiting friend who was actually enrolled there)

I was in the Geology department of Cal Tech
(... while visiting another friend.) 

I was employed by the Treasury Department of a foreign government
(... as a database consultant in Canada.) 

I worked at the Canadian Space Administration
(... for a week, writing more database code.) 

I have cooked for royalty
(... in a historical re-creation group)

I've spent time in Purgatory
(... which is a small town near Durango, Colorado)

I served aboard a US Navy aircraft carrier
(... lunch, to my family, during a break in the tour of the USS Yorktown)

A multi-national corporation paid a masked man to cut my throat
(... of course the insurance company didn't pay for all of the surgery, but it did cover most of it)

That's what I can come up with so far.  The next time I visit New York though, I plan on playing at Carnegie Hall, fighting at Madison Square Garden, trading on Wall Street, singing at the Met, getting my artwork into the Guggenheim, and jumping off the Empire State building,